An Adventure Not Worth the Journey
by ShadowofLugia
Summary: Excalibur: He'll always be waiting for you. Rated T for mild language.


**So I'm going to…how do you say…broaden my horizons? Anyway, I watched Soul Eater a few weeks back (It's a fantastic anime, you should watch it), and I thought that I'd make a 'Legend of the Holy Sword #4'. Because 3 just weren't enough.**

**And Excalibur is just awesome.**

Maka crossed her arms in front of her to weaken the blow of the fall. Nevertheless, she hit the wall hard, her back aching, throbbing.

She twirled Soul in her hands, thinking hard. If she went to the right-

"Fool! Make no moves at all, absolutely no moves, or you will die." Maka sighed, tired of Excalibur already. True, she _had_ been sent here to investigate the godforsaken sword, but his tiring pleas, constant interrupting, and arrogant attitude were starting to get to her.

"Maka, what's going on? Why'd we stop?" Soul, frowning profusely, stared up at Maka. "It's not cool to stop in the middle of-"

"FOOLS! Didn't I tell you to not make a sound?" Excalibur waved his cane in Maka's face. Gingerly, she pushed it out of the way, trying not to scream or show any signs of stress.

"No," She started, trying to stay calm. "You said not to make any moves."

Excalibur looked thoughtful. "I suppose I did. But now I told you to not make any noise, so you should not do both in my presence. But one should never question the great Excalibur. My legend dates back to the twelfth century. My wisdom far surpasses that of a young girl and boy-"

"Is this really the time?" Maka was starting to sweat, her cheeks flaring with annoyance.

"Of course it is! There is always time for Excalibur!" He strolled in front of Maka, thrusting his cane down onto the ground. "Did I ever tell you the story of how I came to be?"

"Yeah, you told us about three times already-" Soul started.

"Oh, good! So you already know how it ends! My legend began in the twelfth century, with King Arthur-"

"Here we go-" Maka warned Soul.

"I was hugely popular with the ladies at the time. Everyone wanted some of Excalibur. I-"

"What does this have to do with King Arthur?" Maka asked, clearly bored.

"Nothing. Why would I have talked about King Arthur? As I was saying, everyone wanted some of the magnificent Excalibur. I went to classy parties where I was all the rage. I would tell stories of my adventures, make a few people laugh now and then, and-"

"Why-" Soul began.

"FOOL! Absolutely NO talking while such a great and ancient presence is in the same room as you!" Excalibur waved his cane in Maka's face again. She threw it out of the way, ready to leave.

Excalibur paraded around, telling them his story (which, if told by Excalibur, could span anything from the beginning of time to the distant future), until he finally paused, waiting for them to say something. Maka and Soul had fallen asleep right as Excalibur was explaining how exactly he fought dinosaurs-and why they were extinct (apparently, he slayed each and every one of them).

"FOOLS!" His booming voice made Maka's eardrums pound. She sat up, startled. Exasperated and still tired, she responded with a hearty, "…What?"

"You know what I said! Now. For your 1,000 provisions…I would like you to participate in Number 492...the 5-Hour Story Time session."

"No…" Soul muttered. "Come on, aren't there any others? Isn't there anything we can do that's easy and simple? Lord Death wants us to bring you back to the DWMA…" Soul tried.

"FOOLS!" Excalibur shouted, shoving his cane in Maka's face yet again.

Soul's head popped out of the blade of the scythe. "DAMMIT, WILL YOU KNOCK THAT THE HELL OFF?"

Excalibur seemed unfazed. He simply prodded Soul's nose with the end of his cane. "I'm afraid not, Scythe Boy. And you must participate in the 5-Hour Story Time session, or I will not come with you to see my colleagues."

"Damn." Maka breathed. "Okay. I guess we have to."

After a long and grueling five hours, Maka slowly stood up and stretched, her legs wobbly from sitting down. "Now will you come?" Her voice was hoarse.

"No. You must do some other things for me…like serve dinner. I'm getting quite the appetite."

Maka's jaw dropped. She wouldn't be surprised if it hit the ground.

"But you said-"

"Oh, did I? I apologize. But all this apologizing is working up an appetite. Dinner, now, you fool!"

"Maka, quit trying. It's not like we have a choice. And I know how uncool this guy's being, but if he's not back to the DWMA we're in trouble." Soul muttered, as annoyed as she was.

"Fine." She searched around the cave they were in for something edible. A friendly-looking patch of mushrooms lay just out of her reach.

"Soul, give me a boost here." Soul transformed into his human form again and slowly lifted Maka up to the patch by her feet.

She swept her arm across the mushroom patch, knocking several of the boring-looking fungi onto the cave floor.

"So what do we do now?" Soul stared down at the mushrooms, as puzzled as Maka was.

"We need to cook them, or something." Maka looked around the cave. If only she could find some flint-

"I can't see anything that would make a fire." Damn. There went that possibility.

Seconds later, Soul thrust the mushrooms down onto the ground where Excalibur was eyeballing them patiently. He prodded them, slowly turning them over to investigate. They were fairly clean, and Maka was sure they were safe.

"FOOLS! You expect me to eat this? Why is it not cooked? Why is it not served on a fancy platter? Why is it not embellished or seasoned? Where is my silverware?" Excalibur tossed the mushrooms into the water just beyond the small, floating stone island they were sitting on.

"You expect us to have all that? DAMMIT!" Soul started to walk away, flustered.

"Wait! I can offer you fame and fortune!" Excalibur started to glow, illuminating the cavern with light. "Take my hand, and together we will be a legend!"

Maka stared at Soul. With the barest of smiles, they nodded to each other and muttered, "No thanks."

Then they ran out before Excalibur could say another word.

"So how'd your adventure go? Bring Excalibur back with you?" Stein had called Soul and Maka to stay after class.

"I was sick of that guy, it was a blessing to get away from him." Soul answered, face scrunching in annoyed memory.

"I thought so." He took a long puff of his cigarette and paused. "No one could ever handle that thing. You'd have to have some real patience there.

"In any case, though, this came in for you the other day, after you returned. It's from an anonymous sender." Stein spun out of the room on his chair.

Maka reached for the envelope on Stein's desk, dread slowly spreading throughout her body. Her hands shook as she dragged the letter opener across the top of the envelope.

"I'll always be waiting for you. Excalibur." A small wax seal with Excalibur's face on it was placed in the corner of the heavy paper the note was written on.

Maka sighed and stuffed it into her pocket. No way was she ever going back to that thing. And she was sure Soul wasn't in any hurry to run back to him, either.

**A/N: And the moral of today's story is: Don't mess with Excalibur. His legend dates back to the twelfth century, fool.**


End file.
